DENVER - Mel Gibson's ex-future wife Oksana Grigorieva says that she has been severely traumatized due to the pat down which she received at Denver's John And Bob Denver International Airport.
She remarked that the entire sordid incident has reminded her of her intimate relationship with her former ex-future husband Mel "From Hell" Gibson.
Grigorieva was at the airport in Denver getting ready to return to her home in Los Angeles when she refused to go through the airport's X-ray machine. She said that a buzzer went off and two airport security guards showed up and led her to an area known as pat down central.
She was told that she was going to get herself 'felt up' since she choose not to go through the X-ray machine. She said that she was a mature Russian woman and that mature Russian women do not allow a male to touch their groin goodies unless it is their husband or else a very, very, very close friend.
The TSA pat down agent, identified as Buford Finnypox, smiled somewhat coyly and told her that in that case to just go ahead and pretend that he was a very, very, very, close friend.
Grigorieva threw up. Finnypox told that she would be charged a $39 dollar clean up fee.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: Buford Finnypox (badge #1307) has been described by many female and male passengers as being a quasi-sex-crazed individual who has an evil smile on his face as he is touching and grabbing male dip sticks and female muffins.]
Ms. Grigorieva was told by another pat down agent, Earwood "Funny Fingers" Cudcookie, that Finnypox is being portrayed by none other than Spencer Pratt in the new TSA airport movie Don't Touch My Junk.
He informed Oksana that also starring in the movie are Heidi Montag, Brooklyn Decker, Boo Boo Stewart, and Sean Hannity.
Grigorieva rolled her eyes and in a strong Russian accent replied, "So who da shit gives a flying friggin eff huh?"
Cudcookie became angry and told her that due to her unsolicited sarcasm she would now have to submit to not one but two intimate groin pat downs. He pointed out that he would be conducting the second pat down and he informed her that he will not be using gloves and that he has fresh cat scratches on both hands.
Oksana threw up again.
"That'll be another $39 bitch!" Cudcookie yelled out.
SIDENOTE: While they were standing around for the airport custodian to show up with the mop Oksana managed to walk away and reportedly took a cab to the Greyhound Bus Station.