Written by Charpa93
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Friday, 19 November 2010

image for Man With Pistol-Shaped Penis Afraid to Fly
Like this, but in his pants.

Herman "Harry" Schwanglinger is a businessman who relies heavily on the friendly skies to get him quickly from one business meeting to another. Until recently, he was a frequent business flyer having racked up more than a million miles in the past two years.

However, with the new security measures in place, all that has changed. In fact, Harry has had to take a leave of absence from his job until he figures out how to side-step the possibility that he may get tagged for a full body scan/pat down at every airport he flies in and out of.

Harry's anatomy is at the center of his anxiety. "I have a peculiarly shaped penis," he said when asked why he was so concerned about the pat downs. "The way my penis juts from my testicles makes it appear from the side as if I am carrying a concealed weapon. In other words, my particular junk is shaped like a pistol."

Harry has been in contact with airport security officials in an effort to get some kind of clearance so that he can continue flying without having to go through the advanced search measures. Unfortunately, to prove his case, i.e. that his penis could be mistaken for a concealed weapon if he were to allow security officials to search him, he has had to go through several embarrassing searches as well as having at least two dozen full-body scans. He has been told that in order to make sure every security officer is aware of his unique physique, his body scan image must be shared with the entire security force nationwide.

Harry now has a choice…go along with the security measures and trust that his body scan image won't make it into the wrong hands, or change his job to one that doesn't require travel. "I have to fly with my wife to my in-laws for the holidays," said Harry. I guess I'm gonna have to bit the bullet on this one and trust the security officers. They are, after all, professionals, are they not?" he said with some hesitancy.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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