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Wednesday, 20 July 2005

image for Bush Announces Nominee to the Supreme Court
Whoops - wrong god

(Washington, DC)
President Bush announced that he will nominate god for the supreme court to fill the vacancy left by Sandra Day O'Conner.

The nominee is being met with a warm response from democrats but suprisingly republicans were not as enthusiastic.

I do not want the laws of this land, enacted by the elected officials of this country, being interpred by a god that is not a strict constructionist, exclaimed Bill Frist.

How will we explain to our constituency that god will be a member of the supreme court forever, said John McCain (R Arizona). "God never resigns from anything."

When asked if god would accept the nomination, Carl Rove said that god had assured him he would accept the nomination and the President would not have mentioned god's name unless he was sure it would work.

Many people wanted me to appoint another woman, or and ethnically challenged candidate said the President, but I didn't want to do that. I want the best candidate for the job. Besides whoever says that god isn't a woman obviously has a problem with god. I intend to nominate my god for the position before someone else nominates a different god, that would be a tragedy.

When a reporter pointed out that god was not a lawyer and had never held public office, the President responded very angrily that obviously god had extensive experience as a judge, and that a law degree was never a requirement. God has no need of a law degree, God created law degrees, and capital punishment, and the ultimate penal system. In my opinion God is perfect for the job the President explained. He picked me, and I intend to return the favor quiped the President.

If Mr. Rehnquist resigns, as many expect he may do soon, the President hinted that he would consider nominating satan to get some balance on the high court, possibly to molify the democrats. We'll need justices with credentials and experience with contracts was the opinion expressed by the democratic minority whip, Steny Hoyer. And we expect that a fair number of republicians will vote with us when the time comes. They may be voting for god this time round, but we know the pubs, they want to have a good time too.

When asked what she thought about the possible appointment of god to replace her Ms. O'Conner replied that god had a good chance of being in the minority on most of the opinions that would be written during the next term. "You know, god's writings are not very extensive, it will be difficult for the senate to make a proper evaluation. Then again perhaps it will make things easier, as long as there are no substantiated accusations of sexual harrassment made during the confirmation hearings."

The other justices were mostly silent about the nomination announcement. But justice Stevens seemd angered by the idea, muttering under his breath just loud enough to be heard "over my dead body". There has been intense speculation about how long that would take, and the line in Las Vegas has odds of 2:5 that he won't last a week after the confirmation hearings.

The ACLU released an offical statement supporting the nonimation in part reading - "Who better to enforce the seperation of church and state, interpret the constitution and remedy the social ills of the day than a god with 9 arms, 2 heads, and a fish face. We support the nomination of that god."

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