Written by Jack Loftus
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Tuesday, 19 July 2005

image for McClellan conducts press conference inside pillow fort
I lied this many times today!

WASHINGTON, D.C. - After an almost daily deluge of questions concerning Karl Rove's involvement in the leaking of the identity of an undercover CIA agent last week, White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan conducted his Tuesday morning press gaggle from within a custom made fort comprised entirely of couch pillows and blankets.

The fort, which rough estimates showed to be approximately 8' by 4', was made up of no less than 12 pillows, each of which had been intricately stacked into a cube-shaped stronghold that housed the beleaguered press secretary and his podium.

McClellan's body was largely shielded by the citadel of fine fabrics and Egyptian cotton, but there was a small slit at the front that allowed reporters to see his face and hear his answers, brief and cryptic as they were.

From within the shadows created by his bastion of comfort, McClellan appeared relaxed and slightly less sweaty than usual, betraying the fact that his fort probably housed some kind of central airconditioning system to counteract his notoriously hyperactive sweat glands.

When McClellan was confronted with a particularly tough question or if he felt a barbed attack from a member of the press coming on, McClellan responded with a preemptive strike of Koosh balls and squirts from a Super Soaker.

"It was actually a pretty cool little base of operations," conceded NBC White House correspondent David Gregory. "He was effectively shielded from most of our softball questions, and we were laughing way too hard late in the game to ask the more serious ones about Iraq, Rove and national security."

Analysts who watched the live feed of the conference on C-SPAN were "blown away" by the effectiveness of McClellan's cushy garrison, including the use of a powerful sign that he had fastened to the front pillow.

"I just couldn't believe what I was seeing -- he is truly a master," said White House press corps analyst Steve Buscemi. "I mean come on, how does a reporter effectively dismantle a "No Rove Questions Allowed' sign? You just can't!"

McClellan once again refused to answer some of the more sensitive questions posed by the media, although in this instance they were in regards to his impregnable fortress and not to the wily machinations of a certain felonious deputy chief of staff.

"I cannot comment at this time on why the podium is surrounded by cushions from around the White House. In fact, there are no cushions so long as there is an active investigation going on."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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