Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 15 November 2010

image for Milwaukee's Beer Suds International Airport Lists Three Openings For 'Pat Down' Security Agents And Receives 873,291 Applications
A passenger at Milwaukee's Beer Suds International Airport going through a 'pat down' search.

MILWAUKEE - Wendell Milkwater, executive director of Milwaukee's Beer Suds International Airport reported that he put out an Internet notice to hire three individuals to be trained to work as 'pat down' security agents.

He said that he was amazed that 45 minutes after he had placed the Internet ad he had received over 117,000 applications for the three inspector jobs.

Milkwater later noted that the latest number of applications for the three positions stands at 873,291. He stated that the ad did not even list how much the job paid, or what benefits were included.

He pointed out that his office has received applications from every state in the nation, including Arizona and Alaska, plus over 161 countries.

Over 95 percent of those applying are males between the ages of 14 and 104. Some have even flat out said that they are willing to work for the minimum wage, through their coffee breaks, lunch hours, and even on their days off.

Milkwater has said that he had no idea that there were so many individuals out there who were so interested in airport security.

SIDENOTE: Wendell Milkwater was asked by a reporter for The Milwaukee Morning Mozzarella newspaper if his department is conducting extensive background checks to make sure that none of those applying are actually molesters, predators, or basic sleaze bags. He replied that he is conducting a very thorough background check and so far he has personally eliminated 181,907 male applicants, 2 female applicants, and 7 transgendered applicants.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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