Written by P.M. Wortham
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Sunday, 14 November 2010

image for San Francisco Tofu Eaters Still Don't Understand the Concept of a Kid's Meal
The evil, evil, meat filled, Happy Meal.

Still arguing against the legality and morality of offering Happy Meals or Kid's Meals to children in fast food restaurants, San Francisco city leaders continue to push for a ban on the grounds that they alone, lead to childhood obesity.

It is clear that none of the city leaders raising the biggest stink, have any children of their own, or understand that a child's overall health is the responsibility of the parent. The argument made by these tofu-eating, social pariahs, is that the kids meal, complete with toy inside, must be one of the biggest single risks to a child's health. "Only if I fed these things to my kids every day, which of course is a ridiculous premise", says mother of three and community activist, Sharon Charalyke. "Nobody takes their kids out for fast food every day. It's a treat once in a while, and yes, they get a toy out of it. Big frickin deal."

San Francisco's Board of Supervisors feel differently about the benefits of this proposed kids meal ban, and would be sticking to their guns, but they are against guns as well. SF Board of Supervisor Member and lifelong Vegan, Ramona Paistey-White says, "Happy Meals are evil. Dead, mutilated innocent animal flesh and deep fried starch sticks with a toy inside that says, Hey, eating this horrible food is really fun. Barbaric. Mothers should be ashamed for what they are teaching their kids".

"Ramona looks to me like she could use a little sun, and perhaps a double cheeseburger too", says Charalyke. "If she thinks she can legislate how I should be raising my own kids, and what treats I should or should not be offering them, that skinny little anorexic bitch and I are gonna have words".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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