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Saturday, 13 November 2010

image for "America Still Part of UK", says new-found documents
The Stars and Stripes are No More, and Never Was

WASHINGTON, D.C. (Now CAMERON, D.C.) & LONDON - The United States of America was once a former colony of the British Empire, gaining independence from it. Until now.

In London, experts at the British Museum have found new documents which means that the separation of the US was not formalised. This means that George Washington and successive presidents, are actually squatting and stealing from the Queen, a crime still punishable by death in the UK.

What does this mean for the average American and Brit?

Well, the UK will now have some fricking brobdingnagian (big-ass) armed forces, plus it is now a player on the world stage, again.

However, the Americans are no longer that. They stand to lose everything. However, pro-choicers and gays are happy, due to Britain's relaxed laws on civil partnerships and abortion.

For the first time in 200 years, univeristy students will only pay the equivilent of $12,000 a year for a place in a top-ranking institution, due to Britain's tuition fees' cap.

Also, it will bring a big boom to Detroit's car-making firms, due to the need for right-hand steering cars, as British people drive on the left of the road.

Also, TV watchers will get a break from all those ads, due to the strict advertisement policy operated by the major television broadcasters, for every four minutes of content, one is ads, in contrast to the American standard of ads every single second.

Police in most American cities will breathe a sigh of relief as the UK's tight gun laws makes thier jobs easier.

Also, the Bible Belt will be taken down, due to the fact that school textbooks teach EVOLUTION, not creationism.

"It's okay, I guess," commented New York, NY resident, Sarah Stewart. "Their Tory party seems pretty centrist, and Americans need that."

The UK Government is set to scrap cuts planned out earlier this year, due to the huge amount of tax that WILL get paid to Whitehall by former Americans.

"Apple, Microsoft, Google, Murdoch," smiled Nick Robinson, BBC political correspondent. "These are some of the biggest names in the money world, and they will lift the United Kingdom of Great Britain, Northern Ireland, and America out of the rut its in."

As of press time, hundred of holiday-making Brits travelled to America, due to the now slightly less demeaning security checks enforced by American airports.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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