WASHINGTON (Reuters)-Republican strategists in the White House are desperately seeking a new brain for President George W. Bush due to the self-destruction of Karl Rove, Bush's current brain and his top political advisor.
Confidential memos have gone out to medical schools across America in the search for a brain, and Republicans have even offered millions of dollars to buy the brain of Albert Einstein to be transplanted into the empty cranium of the U.S. president.
"We are sparing no expense to find a new brain for our beloved President," said White House spokesman Scott McClellan. He added that an emergency Republican medical team is standing by to undertake the risky transplant procedure once a brain has been found and tissue-matched.
"Where's my brain? If I only had a brain," Bush recently blurted on Meet the Press to sympathetic interviewers. "I can't function without my brain," he sobbed. "What happened to Turd Blossom?"
VP Dick Cheny held the president's hand and cooed, "Turd Blossom had to go away, Georgie, a long, long ways away."
The presidency is being rocked by the revelations that Rove is the dork who traitorously and criminally revealed the identity of a CIA agent for political gain, thereby endangering U.S. national security.
Nick-named "Turd Blossom," Rove was the architect of Bush's electoral successes and was known affectionately by Bush as his "boy genius"
It is a crime to disclose the identity of American CIA agents under a 1982 law. Due to immense pressure from Democrats and media, the Justice Department reluctantly initiated a grand jury investigation into the CIA agent outing and appointed special counsel US Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald to handle the case.
Meanwhile, Republicans have making alternative plans to prop up the president in the event an appropriate brain cannot be found for Bush. A number of ventriloquists have been contacted and are being secretly interviewed and trained to help the president make speeches and act in a presidential manner.
Public opinion polls for Bush continue to plunge during the Rove scandal as fresh doubts about his so-called "war on terror" arise after the London bombings, and bad news continues in the American war to steal Iraqi oil. Doubts are also arising about the true state of the American economy under the current Republican Administration.