NEW YORK, NY - Yet again a mixture of terrible things happened to the City of New York, specifically, as usual, the main island of Manhattan, never Brooklyn, Bronx, or Queens.
A combination of an asteroid, aliens, and many other things decimated Manhattan, but did not (sadly) stretch to New Jersey, or the other boroughs.
"It is a terrible day," said the Mayor, standing in front of a former skyscaper. "Much like all the other terrible days that have occurred. Nothing will amount to this, except the other 24 times its happened."
Like many other disasters to hit the city, this crashed Wall Street, destroyed the Lower West Side, and as per usual, stopped at 110th Street. Huge portions of the city slid into the icy cold waters surrounding it. Well, it was gonna sink anyway, considering it has, like, 3 million people living in that shithole of a poserville.
No, seriously! Who the f##k would one pay such extrodinate amounts of money to live in a city where being shot in the face counts as natural causes?
Anyway, back to the story. At 9am, an asteroid smashed into the Lower West Side, causing it to dislocate and slide into the waters.
The debris hit an invisible wall at 110th Street, and at 10am, an alien fleet destroyed the Empire State Building, the Chrysler Building, the MetLife building, that big split thingy in Times Square, and the Square itself.
Then, at 10.30pm, when it couldn't get worse, a Godzilla-style monster tore a hole through an office block, disrupting commuters in an ever-lasting traffic jam, and then getting tangled in the Brooklyn Bridge, due to the fact that there was an invisible wall midway through the bridge.
At 11pm, armed troops arrived way too late, as the damage was done.
1.5million dead, 0.5mn injured, 1mn homeless, and 7.1 billion other people groaning at a thing they'd seen time and time again.