Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 12 November 2010

image for Kirstie Alley Cited By Airport Security For Reportedly Making Erotically Sensuous Moans During An Airport Security 'Pat Down'
Kirstie Alley was the first passenger to board her plane after submitting to the new 'pat down' security measures.

LOS ANGELES - Actress Kirstie Alley was at L.A.'s LAX Airport going through security when she refused the full body scan. She was immediately told that she would then have to submit to the new security 'pat down.'

Alley, who tips the scales at 409 pounds and has not had a date in eleven months, willingly agreed to comply with the secondary security measure. What this entails is that during the 'pat down' an airport security member feels the individual up and down looking for weapons, grenades, knives, and bombs.

When the person being patted down is a female, the traveler will have her tata's (tits) felt up to make sure that she is not concealing anything either underneath her knockers or within the cleavage that could be considered to be dangerous, hazardous, harmful, or detrimental.

The woman is then told to 'spread 'em' and the security guard then proceeds to reach down and check the females groin and/or crotch region for any hidden illegal devices, such as a derringer, a slingshot, or a water gun.

During the groin and/or crotch region 'maneuver' the woman's bikini taco, (for want of a better word) is touched, felt, caressed, and basically subjected to physical groping that is usually only restricted to the woman's husband and/or boyfriend.

In the case of Kirstie Alley, she said that she had no problem allowing the security guard, identified as Anthony Alejandro Dockenbong, 19, of Anaheim to do his job.

Dockenbong told Miss Alley to hop up on the table and place her ankles in the stirrups, which she readily did after asking two waiting passengers to help her get her 409 pound frame up on the table.

Dockenbong then took out a bottle of hand sanitizer and cleaned his hands and the general area around the vicinity of Ms. Alley's crotch cookie.

He did ask her if she would like a magazine while he performed his pudendal maneuver. She smiled and said that she was fine and remarked that he sure had some beautiful blue eyes and some mighty big hands.

Dockenbong thanked her as he slid his left hand underneath her panties and proceeded to do his job. Just as soon as he touched Alley's biscuit she let out an erotically sensuous moan which surprised the hell out of Dockenbong.

He quickly removed his hand and told Ms. Alley that she was okay and that he had not come across anything in her playpen area that should not be there.

Kirstie took her ankles out of the stirrups and was helped back to the floor. She went to board her plane wearing one of the biggest smiles in the history of smiles.

SIDENOTE: There is no truth to the rumor that Ms. Alley asked Dockenbong for his cell phone number. She was however given a minor citation for enjoying the 'pat down' just a little bit too much.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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