Early Thursday morning on Veteran's Day, with the White House nearly deserted due to former President Barack Obama's $200,000,000 per day vacation to Mombai and Indonesia, the feckless Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Major Amos B. Hoople, walked into the White House, and without a shot being fired, demanded that monogramed "President ABH" towels be installed in all of the bathrooms.
In our Nation's history there has been only one attempt by a military member to take over the government; that by General Alexander Haig on March 30, 1981 when President Reagan was shot down by John Hinckley. Haig was said to be the 37 1/2 President when he said, "I'm in charge here." So for this Southern gentleman who made it up through the ranks in the Alabama National Guard to become the first non-flag officer to be appointed Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, it was the fulfillment of his late mother's dream that be become President of the United States.
In holding his first press conference as President this morning, notably not using a TelePrompter, President Hoople began by saying:
"Fellow Americans, Egad Fap! Cough, Cough, Gulp, Glug Glug, Wheeze. I be the first white president in nearly two years to call this place home. First things first. Someone get rid of that f..king black Portuguese mutt that's snapping at my ankles."
"So my first Cabinet appointment will be to name my confidant, Dr. Viscount Billingsgate as Secretary of Defense. Your first order will be to get this f..king mutt out of here so I can walk to the Oval Office to check and see if Monica Lewinsky is still there. I got a victory cigar looking for a home."