Written by queen mudder
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Tuesday, 9 November 2010

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The rodent is in intensive care at a local zoo's trauma department

Seneca, South Carolina - (Ass Mess): "At the moment we can't say if the vermin was burrowing its way out - or in," a Sennapod Police Department official explained today.

"A 911 call-out to a Bernwood Circle address saw us arrest a suspected burglar," Oconee County sheriff's department sources confirmed.

"He was nude, stoned and sported a rodent's tail wriggling from his butt-hole.

"Poor critter nearly died from methane poisoning."

Burglary suspect Noah Smith was cuffed, tasered and trussed up like a farm animal before being delivered to the Sennapod Hospital emergency room.

Surgeons struggled for half an hour to retrieve the mystery rodent from Smith's back passage before sending it to a local zoo's intensive care trauma department.

Smith meanwhile remains in custody at Oconee County Detention Center awaiting possible animal cruelty charges.

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