Ensuring that he'll never again get a second bag of pretzels on a US Air flight, the new commandant of the U.S. Marine Corps has alienated every homosexual in the universe by saying that the don't ask, don't tell policy barring gays from serving openly in the military should stay in place while the nation remains in the heat of war in Afghanistan.
"How can we kill the enemy with Captain Nancy and his band of knob-eaters prancing around," asked General James Amos, who clearly missed the 'gays are our friends' filmstrip during sensitivity training. "I can't focus on the Taliban when I am afraid somebody's going to reach in and taste my junk?"
General Amos said repeal could f--k up everything in the Marines, just like giving weapons to people of color. "There is nothing more intimate than young men and young women -- and when you talk of infantry, we're talking young men -- laying out, sleeping alongside of one another and sharing death, fear and loss of brothers," Amos said.
"And what makes penis more desirable than death, fear and loss?"