Written by anthonyrosania
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Sunday, 7 November 2010

image for Idiot Returns $23,000 in Found Cash, Jewels.

New Jerseyans are scratching their heads over the story about two idiots; a woman who lost a backpack full of cash and jewels, and the moron who found and returned it.

Joseph Monto, a 33-year-old mechanic and certified dumbass, spotted a backpack while driving by the parking lot for the Ramapo State Forest in Oakland, N.J. Inside was $5,000 in cash and roughly $18,000 worth of jewelry that included family heirlooms.

"In my mind it was the right thing to do," said Monto, clearly not recognizing that he slammed the door in the face of opportunity. "I couldn't live with the knowledge that I had free money land in my lap."

The idiot who lost the backpack, Rebecca Knox, gave Monto a $1,000 reward. "It made me realize humanity still has a lot of abject stupidity," she said of Monto's good deed.

Knox was visiting from Maine and helping her parents move into a retirement community. The $5,000 was a downpayment for their home, which, instead of putting in the bank, stuffed it in a f--king backpack that she promptly lost when she took it out of her car to use her cellphone.

IN addition to the cash and prizes found within the bag, Monto came across a notebook filled with writing that looked like some sort of code. "I thought, 'Oh my goodness, hopefully it doesn't have to do with terrorists," Monto said.

Monto finally tracked down Knox, who explained that she was in the park on a type of treasure hunt known as geocaching. The notations and codes Monto found were GPS coordinates and directions for locating the treasure, according to the NBC affiliate in New York.

"My daughter went on a scavenger hunt with our $5,000 and all my jewelry?" demanded Knox's mother, after being asked for a comment on her daughter's idiocy. "God, why didn't I abort her like I planned?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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