WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a move that many are calling simply a well-timed political move, President Barack Obama has sent out invitations to Charlie Sheen, Mel Gibson, and Paris Hilton to attend a good old-fashioned wienie roast in the backyard of the White House.
The president's Press Secretary Cal Colfax told the White House press corps that the president requested that the three extremely troubled and out-of-control individuals be invited to visit the White House since they have all been on the front pages of every American newspaper lately.
Colfax went on to say that the president wants to clearly show the American public that he has true compassion for his fellowman and that he truly wants to help Sheen, Gibson, and Hilton get the emotional, mental, and physical help that they all so desperately need especially that sad, sad SOB Sheen.
President Obama noted that a lot of people have already written off Lindsay Lohan but he was quick to add that he would have invited her but she's in jail.
He added that his wife, Michelle, aka 'The First Mama' is a devoted fan of Lohan's and lists LiLo's movies, Confessions Of A Teenage Drama Queen and Machete as two of her all-time favorite motion pictures.
Press Secretary Colfax has pointed out that the president intends to discuss with Mr. Sheen the negative aspects of cavorting around with high priced hookers. He even has some photos of some of Tiger Woods' GolfGate hookers that he wants to show him in hopes of getting him to change his evil ways.
In regards to Mr. Gibson, President Obama will have a one-on-one chat with Mel and tell him not to let the little things get to him. He will also tell him to assume that any time that he is talking to a scorned female to figure that the effen bitch might just be recording his sorry ranting and raving ass.
And when the president talks with Paris Hilton he intends to tell her that just because she is a rich, sexy, white bitch does not give her license to abuse illegal substances which would get other women tossed in jail faster than one can say 'crack ho.'
SIDENOTE: Vice President Joe Biden has been asked by the president to cook the wienies, serve them, and to make sure that the three special guests do not get themselves into any trouble while on the White House premises.