In a move that has voters heads spinning US President Barack Obama has announced he is joining the Tea Party. In an impromptu press conference at White House Rose Garden today Obama said "I think Americans have had enough of carbonated drinks and bubbly politicians" adding "they are tired of all the sugary content in political speech and soft drinks, that's why I am joining the TEA PARTY."
When asked to comment on this sudden change Senator Elect Rand Paul of Kentucky responded "Yes I heard rumors but I think he's in the Green Tea faction." Upon hearing the news Jon Stewart the host of the Daily Show collapsed on the set and was rushed to Bellevue Hospital in New York City where he was rumored to be singing "Tea for Two and Two for Tea..." while hugging and kissing a framed photograph of Bella Abzug.
Senator Jim DeMint considered a leader of the Tea Party movement was taken by surprise when he heard of Obama's Tea Party conversion saying "I always pictured him as a Hot Chocolate and Marshmallows sort of guy." Senators Strom Thurmond and Robert Byrd where not available for comment due to rigor mortis a condition that has affected them throughout their political careers.
Obama said he would give a televised speech to the nation later in the week in order explain his conversion and to expect new laws making drinking of carbonated sodas legal only on Wednesdays between 3pm and midnight and taxing them at $5 per 12 ounces, Tea will be legal seven days a week, green tea will only be legal on Sundays and tea bagging will only be legal for those over 18. An advance copy of the President's speech also shows he plans to make Hot Chocolate and Coffee illegal and ban Juan Valdes from all TV and print advertising while ordering all copies of Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory destroyed.
World markets have reacted to the news, with Cocoa and Coffee prices reaching record high prices. Nestlé's Quick Chocolate has begun to fly off store shelves and there have been reports that Mexican and Colombian drug lords have begun cutting down their Marijuana and Coca Leave crops and planting Cocoa and Coffee instead. Juan Valdes and Willie Wonka have reportedly gone into hiding in the mountains of Peru.