WASHINGTON, DC-Diligent Spoof reporters have uncovered the startling fact that American President George W. Bush had a major role in the recent Batman movie starring Christian Bale.
"George Bush has always been a great fan of the Batman comic books ever since he was a kid, so he jumped at the chance to play a stand-in for Bale in the Batman Begins movie in several key scenes," acknowledged an assistant producer of the film. "Actually, Bush kept pestering us and hanging around the set with all his Secret Service men until we let him wear the Batman costume. He was so insistent and distracting that we had to give him a few takes."
White House officials have been reluctant to talk about Bush's brief career in Hollywood, but repeated inquiries have uncovered the fact that Bush learned to read by looking at Batman comics, and has never progressed beyond them, or learned to read newspapers or books or reports of any sort.
"We always have to bring the President all the latest Batman comics fresh from the publisher," admitted one anonymous White House aide. "He has an entire room full of those comics. We even have to rewrite his daily presidential briefings and National Security reports to resemble Batman comics, and we've hired a lot of comic book artists to illustrate them. Bush really appreciates the effort, especially since it's the only way he can keep up with all the top secret material so vital to our nation's security."
Another White House staffer claimed that he'd seen Bush jumping about the White House late at night dressed up in a Batman costume. "He even keeps one or two child actors dressed up as Robin around to add to the authenticity of the experience. He's also trying to have the presidential Cadillac DeVille limousine restyled as the Batmobile."
One of Bush's former teachers recalls that Bush's fixation on Batman comics made his education difficult. "His family had to hire tutors who were well versed in the Batman saga, that's for sure. George always felt the Batman story was great literature, you know, the rich industrialist-capitalist Bruce Wayne who lost his parents and has all the money and is a staunch crime-fighter, who puts all the poor people in jail, the ones who have no money and who have been forced to steal it to survive."
A Batman Museum is now under construction in Houston, Texas, which will acquire the Presidential papers of George Bush and will look after them after Bush leaves office.