Our team of investigative journalists has uncovered the location of the world's most wanted fugitive, terror mastermind Osama Bin Laden. He's not hiding in a cave or village along the border of Afghanistan and Pakistan-he's on the campaign trail running for Governor of California as the Libertarian candidate!
We caught up with the elusive Godfather of Terror at a campaign stop in Sacramento.
"It's the oldest trick in the book" explained Bin Laden, after addressing a listless crowd of a couple dozen. "The best place to hide is in plain sight. The American infidels-praise Allah-are so stupid, they completely ignore the Libertarian party, the one political party that would do what they want and need, cut back on government growth, spending, and intrusion into their personal liberties...as a Libertarian candidate, I am completely anonymous."
"With the public captivated by the race between the old pothead Jerry Brown, and the Hypocritical, illegal alien hiring capitalist swine Meg Whitman, I'm free to go wherever I want" the bearded 911 architect continued.
Bin Laden said he expects to get about 1% of the popular vote for governor, and that he has had a few close calls.
"A couple of times some local law enforcement officials got suspicious, and started questioning me. I just told them I was in the country illegally, and they backed off right away-none of the local police want to get in trouble with the Feds for hassling an illegal alien."
Bin Laden concluded the interview by stating that he has largely retired from planning terrorist attacks. "If I wanted to destroy the USA, I would run for office as a Democrat or Republican. Praise Allah, they are doing more to terrorize the American infidel slaves than I ever could!"