Written by P.M. Wortham
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Tuesday, 26 October 2010

image for Detroit to Receive a Massive Blow Job Today
High winds expected to blow through Detroit this afternoon.

Rare weather patterns and unseasonably warm temperatures will be responsible for a convergence of two storm systems today, where sustained winds are expected to reach more that 60 miles per hour.

Local authorities are preparing for the worst, given the rickety nature of many abandoned homes in some neighborhoods just outside of the city center, while Detroit Edison crews stand at the ready to repair power lines as needed. "It will be like turning on the leaf blower", says city council member Marcus Duchene, "and maybe that's the best way to sweep some of the city's clutter right into the Detroit River".

Playing into the possibility of winds having exactly that effect; Detroit Police are also advertising a "No Arrest day" for drug dealers and all felons on early parole from prison. "All they need to do is step outside and we'll let the wind do the rest. Sounds like a no cost street cleaning to me", says Duchene. "In fact, given our city's 75% high school drop out rate, we're thinking we want to give all our public school teachers the day off too, provided they join us down on the waterfront to receive their bonus for a job well done". Duchene was seen winking.

With the prevailing westerly winds expected to his the city in the afternoon, most anything under 400 pounds is expected to be swept eastward into the river. 50% of the Christian women in the city should be safe.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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