Written by The Free Mock It
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Monday, 25 October 2010

High level presidential anonymous sources have leaked that President Obama, in an effort to improve ties between the United States and North Korea, will extend an olive branch to the supreme leader of the rogue state.

Political analysts have noted in recent weeks Kim Jong-Il, the ailing dictator, has been prepping his youngest son Kim Jong-un to take over the family business of repressing the country. Kim Jong-Il, who has been dabbling in the ruination of North Korea since the mid-1960s is said to be suffering from depression and the effects of a massive stroke he suffered two years ago. Sources close to the frail dictator say he no longer finds joy in being named the second worst dictator in the world.

But in a spirit of good Il, the Obama administration has tapped Jong-Il to head Obama's Death Panel, that seldom talked about provision in the Obama Health Care bill passed earlier this year.

"It's a natural fit," said one senior source. "Kim Jong-Il has vast experience in causing the death of countless number of people so we don't have to teach him the ropes."

Another added benefit, sources say, is Kim Jong-Il's ability to keep the people of North Korea in a perpetual state of ignorance through its stranglehold on the media.

"Kim knows how to keep his mouth shut," the senior source said. "We're confident that anybody who slips up or doesn't tout the party line will face a death panel of their own."

Due to his declining health and emotional state, administration officials weren't sure Kim Jong-Il would be open to a new venture.

"We don't exactly have a great relationship with North Korea," the official said. "This is just a small step in bringing the exiled country to join the rest of the world."

Korean officials said the dictator was "overjoyed" to receive an official notice from the POTUS.

"He squealed like a starving villager seeing a table of food for the first time," he said. "It was really heartwarming."

Korean officials say Jong-Il would also like to design the death panel and prison himself and officially re-name his position as the Director of Public Executions (D.O.P.E.).

"He recently oversaw the construction of the most famous restaurant in North Korea," a source said. "He believes that he can construct a death prison that will be flawless in its architectural substance and style."

Supporters of the president feel choosing Kim Jong-Il may backfire on him.

"There's such a strong tide of Americans first that I fear some may resent the president for choosing a foreigner for a job that any American can do," the supporter said. "Certainly, no one can quibble with Kim Jong-Il's strong credentials but in this political environment I'm not sure being qualified will be enough."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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