CLEVELAND - After waiting and waiting for what seemed like an eternity Russell Brand can now finally call Katy Perry, Mrs. Russell Brand, or even Katy Brand.
Brand reportedly told his hairdresser that he has never been happier except maybe for the time in Upper Tooting back in 2000, when he was given five high class hookers for his 25th birthday.
Russell said that he had been wanting to purchase something extra special for his brand new wife (no pun intended). He grinned and pointed out that Katy will turn 26 on October 25.
He remarked that she has all kinds of rings, bracelets, necklaces, watches, tongue studs, and vaginal rings that any filthy rich girl could ever want.
But he knew that there was that special something out there that he wanted to buy for her that would stand out. He knew that it was not a car, a yacht, or even an airplane.
Finally as he sat watching a televised bullfight from Barcelona, the idea hit him. He would purchase for Katy one of the Great Lakes, and Lake Erie to be exact. Brand had heard from a friend that the state of Ohio had put it on the market.
Of course, if one looks on a map, Lake Erie actually borders Ohio, as well as Pennsylvania, New York, Michigan, and Canada. But due to the Firewater-Schultzenhelder Treaty of 1897, the complete and total rights to Lake Erie had been deferred to the sovereign state of Ohio.
So after consulting a purchasing agent, Russell Brand was able to buy Lake Erie for a total price of $19.3 million including all water and mineral rights within the lake boundaries.
SIDENOTE: Brand was asked if he plans on changing the lake's name. He smiled and said that he has already started the process and Lake Erie will soon become Lake Katy.