Written by Shadow of Malice
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Topics: Tan, Charlie Crist

Sunday, 24 October 2010

image for Charlie Crist Loses His Tan

Voters are beside themselves, political pundits are at a loss for words and bronzed beach goers everywhere are expressing great concern over Florida Governor Charlie Crist reportedly new pale complexion.

Crist known for his perpetual deep tan and political astuteness is reportedly said to currently be whiter than the floor of the US Senate. Attempts to reach the Governor at his favorite tanning salon "INDEPENDENTLY BRONZED" were unsuccessful.

We spoke to tanning specialist George Hamilton about Crist reported condition, but he wouldn't comment beyond saying "Maybe he showered to long or used the wrong soap? This is tragic, hopefully his tan will come back in time for the election but with only 10 days I don't see how it will be possible."

Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger of California who recently endorsed Crist is optimistic about him recovering his dark complexion saying that since Florida is the Sunshine State the Governors tan "Will be Baaack!"

Marco Rubio and Kendrick Meek who are also running for the US Senate seat were surprised to hear about Crist losing his tan and immediately instructed their pollster to find out if pale skin was popular amongst likely voters. "That Crist will do anything for a vote" Rubio said "my pollsters' say the tan was probably hurting his numbers, that's why I avoid the sun." Meek said he never really noticed Charlie's tan saying "All you people look alike to me" adding "it's Goerge Bush's fault."

Crist hasn't been seen since his last debate Sunday morning, but rumors have placed him all over the globe, including Saint Tropez desperately rubbing tanning butter on himself, in Maui lying on a reflective surf board and in Sarasota holding sun light reflector to his face. None of these sightings have yet been confirmed. Spokesmen for the campaign would only say "Charlie's disposition is very sunny at the moment."

A dermatologist who only agreed to be interviewed on the condition of his anonymity remarked "Though a tan might give the impression of a healthy exterior, it is not totally indicative of a person's political health and this sudden change in complexion is common in a condition known as Chameleonitis." He also mentioned that once diagnosed by voters Chameleonitis could be politically fatal.

Has the Governor lost his tan or is this just a rumor? If he has lost his tan can he get it back in time for his next photo op or TV appearance? Will his chameleon like change help or hurt his electoral probabilities? These questions pale in comparison to what's at stake for all American's regardless if they're bronzed, pale or clueless.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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