Written by susan allen-rosario
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Topics: New York, Murder

Tuesday, 21 June 2005

New York City, New York - They found his "easy lift" office chair in the "high" position. They found his secretary crying in the corner. They found his lifeless body hanging from the ceiling fan. It was evident. Another bad boss had gone down.

"The last thing I remember is him yelling, "why are there never any sharp pencils around this place when I want one!" I…sob… and then…sob… I woke up here in the corner, with lead all over my hands," the secretary sobbed. "I think I snapped just like a pencil."

Homicide detectives are at a loss to define just how a 5ft. 1in.110lbs. woman murdered a 6ft. 3in. 200lbs. man and hung him from the ceiling fan. "She must have been working on pure adrenaline. We found several pencils sticking out of his rib cage, erasers out. They might not have been sharp enough to write with, but they were adequate for homicide." And that bad boss was not the first.

Employees of a Wall Street brokerage house called police after they found their supervisor in the washroom with his head ‘where the sun don't shine.' "He wasn't breathing when we found him, which might have been a good thing, considering where his head was," detectives said. An employee said that his head was there most of the time anyway.....so... why not make it permanent. Medics said they were able to revive the man and that he is likely to make a full recovery. Not so for Leonard Anderson.

Poor, poor, Mr. Anderson was found strangled with his own necktie and covered with banana yogurt. "I don't know what came over me… he said the word ‘Matrix' one too many times and I just lost it. I lunged across the lunchroom table at him, grabbed his necktie and just started pulling. He turned this wonderful shade of blue… and then fell into my yogurt. He ruined a perfectly good cup of yogurt," Mr. Anderson's killer confessed.

"Bad bosses everywhere should take notice; police told reporters. "We are currently investigating the disappearance of a Chinese restaurant owner known as, "The Dragon Lady." She apparently was such a bad boss that we have over 400 suspects who are said to have ,at one time or another, threaten to kill her. No one is talking in that case. We just hope they didn't use her in the Chow Mein."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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