Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 23 October 2010

image for Christina Aguilera To Marry Samantha Ronson Once Her Divorce From Jordan Bratman Is Final
Christina Aguilera (L) and one of her many lesbianite acquaintances. (Photo courtesy of Rosie O'Donnell).

WEST HOLLYWOOD - Disc jockey Samantha Ronson has publicly stated that she is happier than she has ever been and that she owes it all to her brand new girlfriend Christina Aguilera.

Ronson, who is the ex-'boyfriend' of the extremely troubled Lindsay "LaLaLoon" Lohan, said that she has fallen head-over-heels in love with the fantastic singer, whom she calls "Chrissy A."

Meanwhile, the soon-to-be divorced Aguilera has told a reporter for TV Guide that after all of these years of searching for the love of her life, she has finally found it in the form of the boyish looking Samantha Ronson, aka SamRon.

Ronson noted that Christina has more sex appeal in her left nipple than Lindsay has in her entire alcohol filled body.

Aguilera and Ronson are planning on having a Valentine's Day wedding at the home of fellow lesbianites Mr. and Mrs. Ellen DeGeneres.

SIDENOTE: Christina's soon-to-be-ex-husband Jordan Bratman reportedly told Oprah Winfrey that the reason that he filed for divorce is because he just got fed up with having to compete with a bunch of sex-starved lesbians for the affections of his closet lesbian wife.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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