Written by Jean Le Fete
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Tuesday, 26 October 2010

The U.S Armed forces today announced major new changes to uniforms, living quarters and other protocols for the new OPEN Armed Forces Ad campaign. New advertisements featuring the Village People and Elton John, focus on the new open atmosphere the U.S Armed Forces hope to achieve. Both are also said to be making MTV recruitment videos.

The title of Elton John's song, "Tough Love", focuses on the sacrifice and difficulty of being a drill sargent in the Army. The village people song, "I Belong Here Honkey Tonk", is an upbeat dance tune with the villagers romping through an army barracks.

Dick Cheney, who is leading a charge to repeal Don't Ask Don't Tell has swarn to seek the death penalty for the Village People's new video, "This is outrageous! It's...! Ahhadddgghh!!!(severe coughing)..." Cheney checked into Bethesda Hospital for observation after these comments.

Coming soon to an undisclosed military base, new barracks featuring mauve and paisley for sheets and pillow cases. Shocking pink dress uniforms are also said to be in the works, but will be optional for straight officers.

Stella McCartney has been hired to design the uniforms and already she has drawn criticism from the top brass for small heart shaped clear patches over the nipples of the private first class uniforms for both men and women. However, her father Paul McCartney came to her defense, "I think the uniforms look fine, I mean they have to be stylish now don't they? This is a new thing and I think the brass needs to get with it. I think some of them are probably uncomfortable because they can't admit they've been wrong."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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