Written by Hrothgar
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Wednesday, 20 October 2010

Anyone who's lived in NYC for a long time knows about the problem with ground water around the WTC site. When they were building the towers back in the 70's,engineers could barely keep up with flooding, despite having giant pumps running 24-7. I remember this, as I used to jog daily from Houston St to Battery Park every evening on the old West Side Hwy, after they closed it to traffic. I watched the towers going up.

Now it appears the relentless water is back, and too bad for Rabid Rauffie & the Terrorists. Just as they were ready to break ground on their new Ground Zero digs, the whole 4-block area went down in one horrible sucking sinkhole yesterday. The sucking noise was heard as far away as Connecticut. Hundreds of terrified citizens called 911, thinking they were under attack.

Rauffie, along with a mob of unemployed NewYork camel herders implored city inspectors to fill up the hole with landfill. They even offered to purchase barge loads of New Jersey garbage to fill the hole, providing the refuse be purified of anything pork-related, but city engineers explained it was hopeless to even try because barbeque season has just ended and the people in New Jersey really love their pork ribs. They said the hole filled with water would have to remain a pond, albeit a scummy one.

Mayor Bloomin-arseberg, upset over the hole debacle, was in tears. He asked the
NYPD to drive him home so he could call Janet Napolitano and demand a full-scale investigation. But the engineers were able to calm him down by pointing out that a scum pond was a helluva lot better than the Hiroshima-sized crater the Moosbum scientists, unemployed for the past ten centuries, would most likely have created had the moskoleum armory, I mean place of worship, been built.

Shah Rama Lama Ding Dong of Saudi Arabia generously offered to fly desert sand over in U. S. military cargo transports, but Grand Mufti Fuk-Americana-Obama was reluctant to give a big sucking kiss-ass go ahead on that proposal, since it's so close to his pilgrimage to Mecca, I mean November elections. According to Oval Office staffers, Fuk-O plans to use those C-141's himself to fly Michelle, the girls, and all their friends over to Europe. They're going to Paris to celebrate Sarkozy's annual Ban the Rag-Head Day, followed by a stop in Berlin to help Angela Merkel launch her First Annual Where the Hell Did Our German Culture Go? Day, while eating low-fat halal bratwurst. Mufti Fuk-O is counting on the Euro Tour to keep Michelle from getting pissy while he's busy in Mecca walking in circles around a black cube praising the pagan moon god.

Darn shame about the Ground Zero moskoleum. Rabid Rauffie and wife #5 Miss Daisy shoulda sold that piece of muck to the Donald when they had the chance. The only thing that could have been worse was if the moskoleum had already been built and the two of them were inside, along with all the moosbums in NYC, celebrating the pagan moon god, building thermonuclear backpack devices, and counting ammo, I mean worshipping, when that sucker got sucked into the muck. That woulda really SUCKED dude!!!! Technically speaking, they would've been "smothered in mire," a 5th century medieval punishment used by Mongolian barbarians, second only to being stoned.

How apropos.

Make Hrothgar's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 4 multiplied by 2?

9 8 18 4

Go to top