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Wednesday, 20 October 2010

image for With Driver's Ed Course Republican Leaders Hope to Avoid Slippery Slope
Fail.

Characterized in recent months as The Slurpee Sippers who idly watched as the economy slid down the proverbial ditch, Republican leaders have decided to fight back through education. Driver's Education, that is.

Seven high ranking Republican leaders, including House Minority Whip, John Boehner, and Lamar Smith, from Texas, have started taking driver's ed classes in Washington, in an attempt to steer undecided voters in their direction, while simultaneously convincing the rest of the country that the roads are safe with them on it.

"It's not a publicity stunt," Boehner insists. "It's a concrete way of showing the voters just how seriously we take their safety. If you're accused of not having a good record, then common sense would suggest doing something about it."

In recent months, the republican party's metaphorical driving record has come under intense scrutiny from President Obama, who has branded the republicans as the party that drove the nation's economy into the now famous nameless ditch.

"Now they [the republicans] want the keys back," Obama warned at various rallies and fundraisers.

Smith says the decision to re-take driver's ed was not a reaction to the president's criticism.

"Until recently I hadn't heard about the analogy," says Smith, who also denied ever consuming a Slurpee. "This is the republican party saying to the voters that we're willing to do better and if that means re-learning some things, well then, so be it."

Boehner, Smith and other party members have been seen throughout the D.C. area with a licensed driving instructor and have tackled such issues such as road safety, dealing with technology while driving, parallel parking, braking and turning, controlled backing and evasive maneuvering.

Both Boehner and Smith said they hope more republicans will, as a sign of solidarity, follow suit.

"There's plenty of room in our car," said Boehner. "Providing you're able to provide the right kind of documentation."

And how is this resonating with voters?

Jim Beecher, a hot dog vendor in downtown Washington, said he was mildly impressed with the overture but was confused with the republicans ineptness while in power.

"Obama's telling them to keep away 'cause he's got the key," Beecher said. "But you're gonna tell me in all that time they [the republicans] were in power that they didn't have duplicate keys made? I mean, seriously, tell me, who goes around with only one set of keys? Somebody who's not terribly worried about their car, that's who."

Lavonda Harris, a part-time sales associate, said the republicans were on the right road but more needs to be done.

"I look at it this way," Harris said, "They're trying and I gotta give them credit for that. But at the end of the day, after working non-stop, they're not gonna be my ride home."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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