Written by Neil Levine
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Topics: Politics, business

Friday, 17 June 2005

image for Oops! He Did It Again!
The Chair The Dean The Office

Unhappy with his frustrating experiences in the Democratic primaries and with opposition to his cantankerous approach to on the record political business, Howard Dean, the gadfly of modern politics, has taken out his Munchausen by proxy syndrome anger on the simplest victim he could get his mitts on: innocent, defenseless office furniture and sedentary chairs that got in the way of his overbearing ambitions and off the wall violence.

Not content with the damage and cost that his political shenanigans and verbal fire storms have wreaked, he has now opted to attack what he thought were defenseless and naive Republicans. But much to his chagrin and budding double chin, his GOP targets have hit back hard by exposing him for what he is: an overbearing, pretentious fool who doesn't have the common sense to keep his office clean.

"I'm tired of extenuating opprobrium," he was heard to shout in reply to no one in particular. "I want to kick A! (A what? He has never clarified this small matter.) I want Action! We absolutely need Reform! I'm as made as hell and not going to fake it anymore!"

Will wonders never cease? The Democrats have no reply to the charge that they are playing dirty politics with discretionary office budgets.

"Broke, broke, broke," he was heard shouting. *The system is broke and I'm going to broker a new deal for all the lotto players of America because everyone is cracking up at the mere thought of my running for President again and Again AND AGAIN!!! What is a broken chair when I want to bust a move."

"I will not rest until I am sick and tired of the Republicans half baked and half cooked financial recipes with no relief in sight. Give me liberty or give me debt, but give me something nice. A hook to hang my hat on. A cup of Mocha. A place to call my own."

"Ruefully, trash talk is not meant to convey or imply in any human way, shape or form a license or permit to trash my office. No way. No sirree. Not on my time."

Note that the cheap synthetic watch is all he could afford after busting up his office supply budget.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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