Former United States Secretary of State and four star army general, Colin Powell, was accused today of "stiffing" his slaves. Apparently, the illegal aliens that have been doing work on Colin Powell's house were not just illegal aliens, but, also, his slaves.
"They're my slaves alright. You are absolutely correct about that", said an indignant Powell. "I picked them out myself from the Pic-n-Pay Day Labor Site. Pic-n-Pay is just like Walmart, just cheaper ".
"I'm a good slave owner", continues Powell. "I only beat them twice a week and give them ice-cream on Sundays, not like those other southern boy plantations which never gave them any ice-cream on Sundays. This is why we need to keep our borders open, to give everyone in this country the chance to own their very own Hispanic slaves. Either that, or get a whole bunch of really cool cocaine".
"That reminds me, does anyone have a bump that they could give me?"
When asked about the "stiffing" accusations, Powell said: "I'm a little lost on what you are calling 'stiffing'. I mean, I am stiff when it comes to the rules, I am stiff about them working into exhaustion and I am very stiff about taking a lubed broom stick, telling them to bend over and … giving it to them to sweep the floor. What is wrong with that? I run a tight ship here at 'Uncle Colin's Cabin'".
"Hell the worst punishment I give them is to lock them in a small room with a big screen TV and make them watch Hillary talk about health care".
"You know. Come to think of it, that is pretty harsh".
"But anyway, my slaves may not have any legal papers but they have been branded with the words 'Powell's Pal' on their butttteerrrfingers. What I like most about my slaves is that they truly work only for food and shelter. Hell, sheltering them, alone, is costing me thousands every week. Do you know how expensive it is to run a hose of water to a couple of sheds? So I am not stiffing my slaves".
"As a matter of fact I did ask them if they wanted to be paid and they said: 'No ingles'. Now, hell, I know what 'no' means, although the ingles part has me a little confused, but, from the sound of it, it must mean money in Hispanic talk
When the slaves were asked if they liked being slaves they said: "No ingles".
When they were asked about the living conditions they said: "No ingles".
When they were showed a broom with a lubed broom handle they all shouted: "OOOWWWWWW!!!!!"