Written by Charpa93
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Sunday, 17 October 2010

image for Grandma Organizes Massive Senior No Voter Turnout for 2010 Elections

Gertrude McGillicuddy is 78 years old and she is fed up with the feds. The feisty grandma from Skokie, Illinois is in the process of organizing a campaign that, if successful, will have millions of her peers staying home on Election Day. Ironically, Skokie is an Indian name for fire, and that is exactly what Gertrude is-fired up.

Ask her why and she'll launch into a tirade that would make an Ice Road Trucker blush. "Why those good-for-nothing jackasses in Congress. Doesn't matter who's in there, they're all the same. Just for themselves," she said recently while having a breakfast of oatmeal and eggs over easy at the Dine 'n Dipstick Truck Stop over on Route 79.

Gertrude said just last week she was spending all her spare time helping out at the local Cook County Democratic Party Headquarters when the news came down that there would be no raise in Social Security for the second year in a row, "but the greedy bastards didn't waste any time voting a big fat raise for themselves," she offered. "That's when I told them to stop the friggin' presses. I changed gears so quick you could smell the grease a burnin'."

"I got on the horn with a few of my friends who got on the horn with a few of their friends, and before you know it, we had a movement. They done messed with the wrong senior citizen," said Gertrude.

Come election day, unless someone gets the message beforehand and reverses their decision to give a cost-of-living raise on Social Security, Gertrude promises there will be millions of lost votes and she doesn't make idle threats. "Who the hell cares who gets voted into office anyways?" said McGillicuddy. "They're all crooks. But I bet, by God, THEY care whether or not they get elected, and if they want a good majority of the senior vote, they better damn well listen to what we got to say."

Neighbors of McGillicuddy tell a different story. "Gertrude does this every election year," said Joe Richards, Gertrude's Republican neighbor. "Last election year she claims she was gonna get on the horn with her friends over a local ordinance to cut some of the senior programs down at the Senior Center on Main Street. She was upset because she wasn't gonna get to square dance on Saturday afternoons. Come Election Day, there she was at the Piggly-Wiggly proudly showing off her 'I Voted' sticker even though they never did start up the square dances again." McGillicuddy has a reputation for making idle threats." It's how she gets through life," said Richards.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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