Washington, DC-- There will be something new on the calendar for everybody in the United States, beginning next week. An extra Saturday will be added to the weekend for everyone to enjoy. The extra day is being added to the calendar to both correct and old mistake and to stimulate the economy.
Historians recently discovered a terrible mistake was made when the Julian Calendar switched over to the Gregorian Calendar in in 1582. The only way to correct the error is to add an extra day in the week--for the next 428 years. Luckily, Congress did the right thing this time, and gave everybody a 3-day weekend for the rest of their lives.
Besides correcting an old mistake, the extra Saturday should stimulate the economy. Most people shop on the weekends, and the extra Saturday should stimulate retail sales. The extra day will also make people more productive, once Monday finally arrives.
There are some downsides to the extra day. People won't live as long as before, because the year will be 52 days longer. Christmas will eventually arrive in Summer, and Independence Day in the Winter. It's also expected to cause havoc with foreigners, because the extra Saturday is only for Americans.
"That's all right, you yanks can do what you want." said one unidentified Brit. "Everyone in the world already thinks America is insane anyway."