Written by Charpa93
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Saturday, 16 October 2010

image for Christine O'Donnell Claims She's A Blank Slate Waiting to Be Written Upon

The Republican candidate for Senator from Delaware, Christine O'Donnell, may be many things, but informed and prepared to represent the people from her state of Delaware isn't one of them. That, she says, plays to her favor.

"Who needs a know it all?" said O'Donnell. "There are enough of them already in Washington. What the people of Delaware need is someone who will change with the tides, do what they are told to do and make things up as they go along to keep everyone guessing. The old-timers in my party can use me as a blank slate. Write upon me what they will. It's all going for the same cause anyway."

O'Donnell cites Dan Quayle as a good example of someone who didn't know his ass from a hole in the ground, "and he was Vice-President," she said. "All day long, he was said to roam the White House grounds mumbling to himself and asking people if he were relevant, and they'd tell him, no, and he'd just smile and continue being Vice President. That's how I'd like to serve the good people of Delaware. I mean, he gets a nice pension and everything just for showing up and being a figurehead for a few years. Cushy job, eh?"

Ms. O'Donnell was asked if she thought it might be important to know a few things about certain laws like civil rights and free speech in order to prepare her for the role of Senator. She indicated that although those are certainly worth considering, "they won't make or break me. I mean, really, I am one person for cripes sakes, and one person can't make a difference at all. At the end of the day, if someone needs a special easement to build a mall on a piece of Delaware property that has been set aside for government purposes and say a new road has to be built to access that mall, I'll have to come out and decide if we need to give the businessmen developers some special treatment, but gosh, I see that more as a scratch your back kinda thing than anything really complicated."

O'Donnell claims if she needs coaching, she'll just ask her mom and dad what to do. "They've always been there for me. I'm sure all I have to do is step away from the Senate floor before a vote, text mom or dad, and depending on what they tell me, I'll just vote for the bill du jour. I mean, really, how complicated is that?"

Some leaders in Republican circles already have O'Donnell a shoe-in and in fact, Senator John Boehner is even jokingly referring to her as "Gidget." Boeher and other Republicans claim that most talking heads are making a mountain out of a molehill. "We know our little Gidget is going to get elected, so why even bother with the perfunctory questions? It is a big waste of everyone's time," he said. "When it comes down to it, we'll tell her how to vote and she'll vote. Done deal."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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