Written by Gail Farrelly
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Topics: STDs, opera, bedbugs

Saturday, 16 October 2010

image for Bedbugs Go to the Opera in NYC
Opera fans to bugs: "Arrivederci!"

They've shown up in stores, movie houses, Broadway theaters, schools, and judges' chambers. Apparently now the little critters have decided they want some culture. It was announced recently that bedbugs have been discovered in some isolated areas of the Metropolitan Opera House at Lincoln Center in New York City. Although the bugs haven't been found in any public areas of the Opera House, they still have been able to wreak havoc.

Ever since the bedbugs made their debut, opera rehearsals have not gone well. The singers, unhinged at merely the thought of the bugs, are afraid to open their mouths too wide for a sustained period of time, for fear that a buggy 'visitor' may hop in. The result? The opera stars sing like ventriloquists. Not good. In addition, orchestra members have hit many bad notes, since they are having a hard time sitting still. The conductor keeps shouting, "Quit squirming," but to no avail.

The bedbugs are unimpressed with the opera music they've heard so far. Some of them are eager to move on to other music venues. "I'm more of a hip-hop man, myself," one was heard to remark, as other bugs sang the praises of gospel, country music, and jazz.

Even the bugs who love opera are ready to pack it in. Some plan to head for La Scala. "I'm outta here," one disgusted bedbug announced as he busily checked, on behalf of his cohorts, the schedules of airline flights from Kennedy Airport to Milan. NY opera fans are breathing a collective sigh of relief. "They won't be missed," said one delighted fan. "Arrivederci."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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