Washington, DC-- A hideous voodoo spell directly from 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue is suspected in the sudden illness of talk-show host Glenn Beck. Medical science can find nothing physically wrong with the conservative talker, although his condition continues to deteriorate. It's suspected Barack Obama's mother-in-law is up to her old tricks again.
The mysterious mother-in-law has lived at the White House since early 2009. The strange woman is seldom seen in public and never photographed. Most Americans don't even know her name. The old woman is rumoured to be a Santeria priestess, and proficient in voodoo, hoodoo, jujitsu and the Black Arts. She also makes a fantastic pineapple-upside-down cake!
Mr. Beck is only the latest conservative to experience bad luck. Ann Coulter's golden locks have fallen out, and she is now as bald as a bowling ball. Rush Limburgh has gained back all his lost weight and is almost up to 2,000 pounds! All of them have raised the wraith of the spooky old lady.
The voodoo witch apparently plans to stay at the White House until January 2017. She is expected to display the full might of her voodoo magicks on the night of November 2.
"Expect the unexpected." said the old witch, and gave an evil cackle.