Written by Morse
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Topics: The Spoof, Local, work, boring

Thursday, 14 October 2010

image for Boring Bastard Finds Just the Right Job!
Boring Bastard Contributes to Spoof; More Boring than Watching Paint Dry!

South Carolina's most Boring Bastard, at least according to his wife who has an ass and a memory like an elephant, finally found just the right job after joining 22 Social Networking Sites!

"I'd almost given up trying to find just the right job, " said Edmund Horowitz, interviewed in his pajamas sometime around noon on a sunny, balmy day somewhere near the Ocean recently when most of the populace was either at work or at the beach.

Big Ed's wife, Doris, disagreed. "I need to correct that statement,' the blowzy gin drinking bitch interjected, "the Boring Bastard never GAVE UP ...he never fooking tried to get a job in his life!"

Ed, as is his want, deferred to Doris, as usual. "Well, ya see...it takes a lot of effort to prepare to look for a job, don't ya know. All that prep work in scouring the papers....I always lost interest by the time I read the comics, and really couldn't be bothered looking at the boring classifieds."

"Then there was the interview. Doris said they'd never hire me if I went down in me old sweats and sandals , no hair cut and without a shave....who's got time to stand in line at Wal Mart to buy a new track suit when the old sweats are just fine, and me ankles are so swollen, I can't wear anything but sandals anyway....what's the use...the whole idea of getting a job just bored me!"

The Horowitz's also managed to spawn 4 little children, known in the neighborhood as 'those boring little bastards' who are so lazy they won't even pick up their toys in the street leaving them to be run over when they got bored and went in to play video games before taking their afternoon naps.

Ed said things might change, since he checked out and joined a few social networking sites. "Never would a done it if I hadn't been asked out of the blue to join some bloke named Martin Shuttlecock's site from the UK! No one ever axed me to be their friend before, so a course I joint up wit him."

"Seems we have a lot in common...being boring an all, with a wife also naggin and such...Martin put me on to a job where I can just stay at home and work, just like him....just pop on line onst in awhile and post a few comments and let people know just how boring life can really be! Best part about it is that you don't get paid.....can't get any more boring than that...fuck off and get paid what yer worth.....that's almost too exciting to contemplate...must have something to do with those Boring Bastards in Brussels ...clever BASTARDS, I'll give em that!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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