Written by feetfirst
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Topics: Hair, Lawyers

Tuesday, 7 June 2005

image for Neil Armstrong wants his hair back!
The Man on the Moon is Moaning

REUTERS -- Neil Armstrong wants His Hair Back![/b ]Insiders hint at stash for later wig use. Neil Armstrong has sent in the lawyers, demanding the enterprising barber who sold off his precious locks, either return them or donate the $3,000.00 earned to charity. Barber Marx Sizemore is refusing, saying it is only by sweeping up the fringe benefits that he can make a decent living for his family. He is paid a mere $12.00 per hair-cut, and if it wasn't for the vast celebrity collectors, his family could not afford to run their mansion nor pay the staff. After many years of cutting costs, Marx has set up his own specialized eBay site where several fibres of the astronauts hair could be purchased at bargain basement prices. If he is extremely careful the cache of hair collected will last until his passing when it is expected his son will take over. His son however may have to re-open the barber shop should stocks run low. "Every decent cut gives a dustpan full of hair," the remorseless barber said, "it would be pure waste just to toss it in the bin, God knows one day the DNA should be worth even bigger bucks!"

In the battle to have his hair returned Neil Armstrong does not shape up as the strong young man he was in 1969 as he and his fuller head of hair stepped onto the moon in a giant leap for mankind. Much older and with far less atop the noggin, insiders reveal that he really wants the hair returned as he can't hold his own for much longer and would much rather prefer the wig maker to construct from his natural hair rather than some other genetic product.

The unnamed collector does not want to return his valuable purchase but has offered to pay the same amount of money as he paid for the bargain to Armstrong's favourite charity. Neil however has thrown a tantrum and says he doesn't want the money he wants his hair back! The collector is justifiably annoyed and has may choose to be stubborn just to annoy the old goat.

In a strange sideline to the story hairdressers all over the world are offering their famous clients, for a price, access to the incinerator so they may burn their own hair as long as they sweep it off the floor themselves. One well known blonde starlet opted out of this extra cost as she wasn't sure how the broom turned on.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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