In what critics deride as a cheap political trick to score points with environmentalists, President Bush has issued popular talk radio personality Rush Limbaugh an ultimatum: "Mr. Limbaugh, it's time to clean up your environment! You're a big polluter Mr. Limbaugh. You're what we refer to in Texas as a litter critter tobacco spitter. I've seen pictures of your desk, Rush. There were pills spilled all over the floor and cigar stubbs in the waste basket. That's what we refer to in Texas as a fire hazard Mr. Limbaugh and it's time to clean up your environment."
Limbaugh says he fails to understand the President's actions, especially because of the loyal support he showed for Bush during the 2004 and 2000 election seasons. "It could be that the liberals finally succeeded in developing their clone of the president, as I've been suspecting for a long time," said Limbaugh from the golf course. "Or it could be that I kicked Bush's presidential behind in a game of golf last Saturday. For that matter, I spanked Cheney pretty hard too. And that was with half my brain tied behind my back!"
The vice president however says the condemnation of Limbaugh has nothing to do with last Saturday's golf and everything to do with rule of law. "One of the great strength's of our democracy," said Cheney from an undisclosed location. "Is that nobody's above the law. We have to punish people who pollute and Limbaugh pollutes. I know, because I see him tossing used Snapple bottles all over the greens when we golf together. Now, when a small bird or rodent gets stuck in one of those bottles and dies, that might not seem like a big deal, but it all adds up and the net result is that the eco-system is not as balanced as it was prior to the littering."
Democrats say they seriously doubt the president is taking steps in the right direction, but nonetheless agree that Limbaugh is filthy dirty. Even two of Limbaugh's former wives are on record as saying that Limbaugh regularly would throw Cheeto wrappers toward the garbage, miss the mark and leave them on the floor for the ants to clean up.