Written by Gay Larry
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Sunday, 10 October 2010

image for More Fat People Than Ever In US
Enjoy yourself, honey! You only live once!

A study by researchers into US dietary control has revealed that there are now more people than ever before, who just can't walk past a burger establishment without going in and purchasing a meal that a normal family could live off for a week.

Out of the four hundred sample tests, 389 people said they ate more than 20 burgers per week, a staggering figure, bearing in mind the other 11 people claimed to eat more than 30 during the same 7-day period.

The report's findings, published in Strokes Weekly, highlight the growing number of 'fatties' in the US, a number which threatens to escalate out of control unless muzzles are fitted soon.

Texans proved the worst offenders, consuming not only the fatty foodstuffs, but also the product's paper wrapping and plastic eating utensils, if any were provided. Some also ate the napkins after using them.

Nelly Humdinger, from Fort Worth, told us that she would "positively die" if she didn't eat a hat full of burgers each day.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't, eh, Nelly?

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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