Written by Kuba
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Topics: Iraq, Washington

Sunday, 29 May 2005

image for U.S. Sends Jedis to Iraq
Jedi Knights prepare for deployment to Iraq

Washington D.C.- During a Department of Defense press conference on Friday, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld announced that the United States would deploy it's brigades of Jedi Knights to the war in Iraq. "Only the Jedi can restore order and balance to the country of Iraq." Rumsfeld proudly proclaimed.

In spite of mounting criticism that the war in Iraq has been getting considerably worse, the United States Army said that the escalation of Jedi forces would help bring about a swift resolution to the conflict. President Bush praised the Pentagon for their creativity and strong resolve in helping the people of Iraq expierence democracy. When asked about the possible presence of dark side Jedi or "Sith Lords" working for the insurgency, Bush responded with a simple statement, "The United States nor any of it's allies will be intimidated by those who have been twisted and corrupted by the dark side. "

Jedi Masters Yoda and Obi-Wan have been seen moving between the Pentagon and White House apparently devising strategy with the Chiefs of Staff and other high-ranking military officials. Although it is unclear where the Jedi Knights will be sent it is highly believed many will be stationed near Baghdad. The Jedi will most likely be used to police the city and accompany U.S. and Coalition forces on combat patrols. The military has also stated that due to the Jedi's unmatchable forms of persuasion many will be attached to Military Intelligence units and used to interrogate captured insurgents. Retired U.S. General Tommy Franks is also highly optimistic of this operation, "If I would of have these Jedi Knights in the begining of the invasion we might not even still be stuck in this mess." He stated during an interview with Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show.

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, who just returned from meetings conducted with the Jedi Council on Coruscant said that, "The United States and it's Jedi Allies have never had a closer relationship then when they have united against the forces of the dark side." An emergency session of the U.N. Security Council was also called as delegates discussed the formation of a multi-national Jedi Coalition to be trained and available for all future world crises.

The F.B.I. has also moved Darth Vader, a known supporter of the insurgency up to #1 on it's Most Wanted List and is working with other government agencies to track him down.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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