Written by anthonyrosania
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Wednesday, 6 October 2010

image for Kevin Kolb: "Thanks for the $12 million a year. I'll try to suck less. Naaah, not really."
Champagne corks; never to be seen in an Eagles lockerroom.

Philadelphia Eagles Head Coach Andy Reid, in his local talk show "Eagles and Pudding: My Two Favorite Things", called sh-tty quarterback Kevin Kolb to task for not being able to play football worth a damn, and Kevin Kolb has responded.

"It's amazing how he was pushing for me to be our starter this year," said Kolb on 97.5 The Fanatic, which means no one heard it. "Well, I make $12 million this year, and we get a mediocre performance this Sunday. But the check cleared, so YAY, ME!"

Kolb insists he played to his abilities, and showed what he can and can not do, but laments that his receivers practically had no catches, his arm "sucks", and all this after 4 years of drawing a paycheck while 'in development' as the 'Quarterback of the Future', on which he commented: "thanks for the millions"!

"I realized he was a mistake early in the season," said Coach Reid, while simultaneously drinking a McDonalds Triple Thick Chocolate shake and eating a chicken-fried stromboli. "Did you see him struggle to throw that last ball 50 yards? Jesus, I thought his balls were gonna drop off."

Coach Reid now plans to start the "pathetic white guy" until Michael Vick returns, and will ride him to a 9-7 season, be dispatched early in the playoffs, and then do a typical end-of-season 'Mea Cupla' tour of Philadelphia, explaining how the season was all his fault, accepting that he is the coach of this team until he die.

Welcome to Philadelphia Eagles football.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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