David Cameron has hit the headlines again in a bold, but controversial move to cut the burgeoning world population by cutting all foreign monetary aid and sending condoms and morning after pills instead, with full instructions on the packets. And no, he won't be sending out any instructors because they would probably come back home poxed up to the eyeballs and become a burden on the NHS.
The totally unexpected move was strongly condemned in some quarters, mainly the large charitable organisations and applauded by the National Front. It's expected that the whole of the EU will follow suit because it's a fucking site cheaper than sending cash.
The Pope was reportedly pissed off with the move, saying contraception was sinful and against the laws of nature. Of course fewer people means less revenue for the church so we all understand and sympathise with his reason's for the condemnation. No more expensive new designer frocks or sexy lace petticoats for the poor old bugger, he'll just have to use the dry cleaners like the rest of us.
Ugly Ed the latest leader of the unmentionable one's, thought it disgraceful that Britain should even contemplate such a move. Mind you, he has never had a proper job so he can't possibly empathise with the honest working man's growing financial burden.
Greepeace applauds the move because it will hopefully give wildlife a much needed breathing space and the oceans a chance to recover and possibly bring the fish populations back from the brink of extinction.