A newly repentant President Barry Obama, having 'come to Jesus' a few hours ago, was forced to clarify his relationship with soon to be departed House Senior Advisor Rahm Emanuel, a former Ballet Dancer saying, "I did not have sex with that man!"
Obama was forced into the startling announcement after charges and rumours of sexual harassment have been circling the White House with the departure of 4 close aides and ever since wife Michelle took off for a Spanish vacation with 'the girls' leaving Barry behind on his birthday, and the fact that Obama has been seen in public without his wedding ring.
Whispers concerning Obama's sexuality have been flying around for over a year after his preference to 'hang out' in the White House locker room with 'the boys' after sweaty rounds of "horse' on the basketball court, his embarrassment after throwing out the first ball at a Washington National's baseball game was classified as 'very feminine like' and his pronounced prancing as he hip sways down the gang plank from the Marine 1 helicopter.
While wife Michelle has been distancing herself from her husband, long time confidant and political supporter (sic) Valerie Jarrett has been sticking like glue to the President. Insiders say Obama is cultivating the appearance of more than a professional relationship with the Chicago Slum Goddess, in hopes he can capture some of that 'Clinton Magic Mojo" from the former womanizing President whose popularity soared with constituents after his serial womanizing became public.
Some disillusioned Democrats in Congress say the effort to appear manly is coming too late to help them in the mid term elections.
"He blew it," said one Congressman whose 57 year reign is threatened, a sentiment echoed by Barney Frank and one who should know.
"The public perceives the President is a Pussy...just look how he turned everything over to Pelosi to handle...this is typical of somebody like Obama...he never had a father figure, so he turned everything over to his mother......nothing's changed...He's a Momma's Boy...and you know how that usually turns out if you get my drift!"
Right after the startling announcement Obama took off for a fund raising event in San Francisco in an attempt to rescue the career of the very unappealing 18 year incumbent Senator Barbara Boxer, who is facing a tough fight in the upcoming election.
"I welcome the President's commitment to my re election campaign," said Ms. Boxer who prefers to be called 'Senator' instead of her High School tag
" I can also offer the President some nurturing and a sense of worth...it's not easy when you're trying to come to grips with your sexuality, but he sure has come to the right place...we're having tea this afternoon and I've ordered some Rainbow Cupcakes to celebrate the occasion from a Coalition baker, but I can't say more."
"Remember," she whispered, "Don't Ask, Don't Tell...it's better for the Country if they don't know!"