Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loonies have today purchased a leading chain of bookstores, after hearing SuBo would be holding a book signing at one of their stores.
"We heard the signing would be on a 'first come, first served' basis, which just isn't good enough. My wealthy husband is rich enough to demand that I get to meet Susan no matter what. I don't stand in line either; I'm far too wealthy for that. We had no choice but to buy the company. That way we'll get to meet Susan for sure," boasted a senior fanatic.
The loonies, who will get to meet Susan for all of several seconds each, have already started pretending to like their wealthy husbands to get them to pay for their trip to London.
"I was in a bit of a panic to be honest," rambled a less senior fanatic. "I needed to book my trip, but I'd forgotten my wealthy husband's name. Luckily it was up at the top of his building, so now I have his credit card and he has a smile on his face!" continued the fanatic. "Oxygen! Oxygen!" croaked the ageing wealthy husband.
Meanwhile, some of the more fanatical fanatics have decided to boycott SuBo's upcoming autobiography.
"It's simply not religious enough," grumbled a fanatic. "I read several pages and found no mention of religion whatsoever. This isn't good enough. It needs religion on every page for me to consider buying it," continued the loony.
"I hear the book isn't dedicated to me, her biggest fanatic," moaned a chief fanatic. "I've spent thousands of dollars of my wealthy husband's money sending her endless over-priced tacky crap, and she doesn't even mention my name. I'm going to worship somebody else from now on," cried the fanatic.
"I heard it contains humour," said a sour-faced fanatic. "That isn't acceptable. I've never raised a smile in my life, and I don't intend to start now. I demand they produce a humourless edition," grumbled the fanatic.