President Barrack Obama has given official sanctioning to the public burning of Russell Brand's autobiography "My Booky Wook".
Obama agreed to the request of Pastor Terry Jones, who was recently stifled in his attempt to burn the Koran. Since then, Obama has come under fire from Jones, who has publicly accused the President of "interfering with his constitutional right" to his incessant craving for public displays of literature-based pyromania. It is also rumoured the pastor is keen to ensure the vast amounts of kerosene he purchased for last week's burning are not wasted.
Obama, strictly adhering to his avowed policy of "pleasing all of the people, all of the time", agreed to Jones's request after agreeing that Brand's confessional was a "poor piece of work".
In a 30-minute clip posted on YouTube, Jones accused Brand of corrupting the nation's youth and talked of a "nightmare future scenario" in which the children of America would all be "standing together in a circle endlessly repeating the catchphrase "my ballbag" in a camp Essex accent".
"Such a chilling scenario is against the wishes of every good Christian in this God-fearing country" said Jones "and ultimately it would mean our victory in the Revolutionary War was worth nothing".
Meanwhile Brand, who has recently moved to the US after running out of people to annoy in the UK, responded to Jones' criticisms directly, telling the pastor "he can burn my ballbag".