One hundred and fifty five years after the rest of the South capitulated to the North in the American Civil War, the state of South Carolina has finally conceded that it can no longer continue to fight for its right to subjugate and enslave without control.
South Carolina's Representative Joe Wilson called Barack Obama this morning to formally surrender. The conversation, conducted through a specially treated telephone mouthpiece so Wilson might not inhale bacteria transmitted from the president, was broadcast live on television. In a carefully worded conversation he reiterated that this was not a defeat but a 'victory for the longevity of racism in all its glorious manifestations'. He maintained that the 'War of Northern Aggression' would continue in the hearts, minds and Country-Pop songs of ordinary, backward White folks.'
The terms of South Carolina's surrender will still allow its white inhabitants to fly the confederate flag, attack black female reporter Charmayne Brown without police intervention, daub racist graffiti on the side of City Hall in Columbia and make fun of foreign countries when they are facing natural disasters.