Written by Moose
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Topics: TV

Friday, 24 September 2010

image for C-SPAN to Launch Two Comedy Networks - C-SPIN and C-SPUN
Stephen Colbert Speaks to Congress at the "Protecting America's Harvest" hearing

WASHINGTON, DC - Landel Hobbs, Chairman of C-SPAN, announced today that the company would be launching two comedy channels, C-SPIN and C-SPUN.

The announcement came after Stephen Colbert of Comedy Central's Colbert Report appeared on C-SPAN testifying to Congress during the "Protecting America's Harvest" hearing.

During the hearing, C-SPAN found itself at the top of the Nielsen Ratings, garnering 93.2% of the television viewing market.

Some of Colbert's best lines:

At Number 5: "I tried to get them to sing field songs and that sort of thing but they didn't seem to have any."

4: "I certainly hope that my star power can bump this hearing all the way up to CSPAN-1."

3: "Maybe the easier answer is just to have scientists develop vegetables that pick themselves. The genetic engineers over at Fruit of the Loom have made great strides in human-fruit hybrids."

2: "This is America. I don't want a tomato picked by a Mexican. I want it picked by an American, then sliced by a Guatemalan, then served by a Venezuelan, in a spa where a Chilean gives me a Brazilian."

And, at Number 1:

"I'm not a fan of the government doing anything. But I've got to ask: Why isn't the government doing anything? Maybe this Add Jobs Bill would help. I don't know. Like most members of Congress, I haven't read it."

C-SPAN is a public service created by the American cable television industry.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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