Early voting was suspended in Kansas yesterday when reports came out of several voting districts that the same man looking like a dead ringer for the Wizard of Oz was found coming from behind voting curtains with a screwdriver and muttering the words "that'll fix 'em."
Helen Ball-Ott, a poll worker in Yumamama County said she didn't think anything of the strange man with long white hair wearing a suit that looked right out of the turn of the century because she says they have lots of them in Kansas, but what tipped her off was when the man came out of the voting booth with a strange smile on his face saying something about a "fourth" party.
"We had three parties as far as I knew. I went into the voting booth the man had come out of and sure enough under both the race for United States Senate U.S. Representative there was another button on the machine with the words 'American Sanity Party' and comedian Jon Stewart's name next to the button."
Similar reports all across the state have been coming into the state election offices. Once word broke, other states had similar stories. Said one election official in Nebraska, "whoever is doing this, and we have a pretty good idea who it is, isn't going to get away with it. They will be caught and prosecuted for various election fraud crimes."
Meanwhile, Jon Stewart is taking the lead in no less than 14 states for United States Senator and 12 states for U.S. Representative. Everyone is scratching their heads over the whole thing. Most of the voters in these states don't even know who Jon Stewart is, and if they did would definitely not cast a vote for him. However, it is believed that the picture of a handsome Stewart placed near the button is having something to do with his early success with women voters.
When told about this, Stewart just gave one of those coy 'I have no idea what you are talking about' smiles and said "moi? Certainly you don't think I'd have anything to do with padding election boxes?" And then he finished with "whatever you do voters, go easy in the states of Kansas, Arkansas, Mississippi, Kentucky and Alaska. I hear the politics suck especially bad in those states this year."