Written by mikewadestr
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Tuesday, 21 September 2010

Delaware Republican candidate, Christine O'Donnell, turned her political rival Chris Coons into a newt today, after a chance meeting between the two on the state's capitol steps. Shortly after turning Coons into a newt, a robin swooped down and picked up Coons in its beak and flew away.

A shocked O'Donnell claimed: "Oh my god. I am so sorry. I did the wrong spell again! Damn, this is why I gave up being a Wiccan when I was in high school. I always got the spells all mixed up. I did not want to turn Coons into a newt. I just wanted to zipper his mouth to shut him up".

Continued O'Donnell, "I always messed up when I did this back in high school. I was never really good at getting the words right on spells. I mean, back then I had a guy I really liked, but he liked another girl. So to make her less attractive so he would date me, I tried to do a spell to put toad warts all over her. The spell called for me to use the phrase 'toad warts' but, being all excited and nervous, it was my first spell, you know, I just said the word 'toad'. Instead of her being covered in toad warts, she turned into a toad".

"I was really upset over this and just figured that she would get better. When she didn't, I put her in a terrarium and fed her flies. I planned to turn her back into herself, but, well, you know, it was high school and I was just caught up in doing the fun stuff that all high school girls do. You know, hanging out with my cliques and having a blast bullying other girls that did not fit in with us".

"My younger brother took her out of the terrarium to let her hop around our garden and before you know it, she got eaten by a hognose snake. Oh well, these things do happen".

"I am sure that Chris will be happy wherever the robin takes him. I think the robin just wanted to be friends with him. I am sure he will get better".

Shortly after the incident a gallup poll had O'Donnell in the lead for the Senate seat with 100 percent of registered voters.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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