Written by Charpa93
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Wednesday, 15 September 2010

image for Blow Up Doll on Glenn Beck Sex Tape Hits Talk Show Circuit

A blow up doll known only as "Kinkie" is making the talk show rounds this week. She wants to set the record straight that even though she is the sexy doll featured in a sex tape being shopped around by one of Glenn Beck's closest friends, she had nothing to do with the outing of the XXX-rated tape.

"I was just there for the sex, period," said Kinkie on GMA Tuesday morning. "I honestly believe the only reason Glenn is upset about the public knowing about our sex romp is because it shows what an inept lover he is. But more than that, he wasn't quite able to get that flag all the way up the flag pole."

Kinkie was asked by Robin Roberts what Glenn was like in the bedroom, and Kinkie replied that she didn't know. "Oh, well, we never made it to the bedroom. In fact, we never made it to his home. As soon as I arrived in his office, Glenn locked his door, drew the blinds shut, ripped open the package I was in and blew me up. There was no small talk, no foreplay, no nothing."

Robin prodded, "No nothing? What do you mean? There was no sex?

"Nope, none at all. He just fizzled on me," replied Kinkie. "Just as Glenn was getting ready to have his way with me, he caught a glimpse of the box I came in and became enraged."

"Really," said Roberts. "Do you have any idea why?"

"Oh sure," claims Kinkie. "Seems he didn't like the fact that I was 'Made in China.'"

"And what about you?" asked Roberts. "Were you disappointed, hurt, angry?"

"None of the above," replied Kinkie. "Relieved is more like it. After seeing him standing there in his Tea Bag Thong and black socks and garters, I just thanked the latex gods for sparing me."

Meanwhile, Beck is filing a restraining order against Kinkie to try and get her to stop talking about the tape, but so far can't find a judge who'll take his lawsuit seriously. She's scheduled to appear on the Jon Stewart Show this coming Friday.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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