Written by Monkey Woods
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Topics: Koran, book burning

Wednesday, 15 September 2010

image for Koran-Burning Guide Is An Outrage - Muslims
This advice works for all books - especially religious tripe!

Muslims everywhere are up in arms as usual, this time over a controversial new book which describes in detail how a Koran-burning event should be organised.

The book, entitled How To Burn A Koran Safely, by brand new writer Ken Moys-Wood is published today by Infidel Books, and retails at £16.99. It contains advice on how to stage your event, advertising and promotion, and how to actually set fire to the offensive holy book without getting your fingers burnt.

US pastor Terry Jones recently incensed fans of Islam when he organised just such an event in Florida, only to cancel it at the eleventh hour after an intervention by President Barack Obama, who reads the Koran to his children Malia and Sasha before bed every night.

Upon its release onto bookshelves this morning, hundreds of outraged Muslim 'customers' flooded bookshops to snap up thousands of volumes of the book so that they could then stage their own book-burning events around the country.

One, Ashraf al-Crap, told us:

"I'm outraged! We are here to show our outrage, and to buy and burn copies of this outrageous new book!"

Others - men, women, women that looked like men, and children, all with beards - voiced their support for those words as they chanted:

"Buy the book, burn the book! Buy the book, burn the book!"

Mr Moys-Wood was said to be "well-chuffed" over first-day sales.

And he was quick to give advice to Muslims who intended to burn his book, by quoting from it an excerpt on the actual process of incineration. He said:

"1. Never burn the Koran indoors. Always choose a place with plenty of fresh air.

2. Old books burn best. Put them at the base of your fire.

3. Don't think of it as a holy book. Think of it as a smutty old volume, full of lies.

4. Always ask an adult to help you.

5. Don't play with matches - they are dangerous

6. Take a skewer, and push it through a sausage, then push it into the fire for around two minutes, turning frequently. A lovely snack whilst you are watching the Koran burn."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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